UPS! No not know where
start writing what I did! Well, start by making a brief account of my love life. For those who do not know, I married a little over 4 years and took almost a year away from my "husband", and point almost of being legally divorced. After my separation, I really hurt in the soul (he was cheating), there were big changes in my way outlook on life. For starters, my self-esteem, which in itself was already on the floor (in large part by comments by the aforementioned destructive), reached levels as it were subhuman way. In truth, I thought she would never be with someone, at first, because seriously doubted anyone would notice me, and second, because he never let anyone see me naked! Never in life! But it came shortly after the separation I met again with a former boyfriend from high school, and the thing came up pretty hot kisses, but nothing more. Hence, my self-esteem improved a bit, but as weight was up and down constantly, in addition that had a horrible depression, thinking that sex was, for me, was a thing of the past. After that, a long time friend who knew nothing about it and contacted her through Facebook, I said very nice things via IM, but it does not happen. One day, on account of a party in Mexico in the world get together at my house with several former teammate from college and attended a guy I hardly spoke at school, but we were talking a long time after the game and finished kissing ...
That day we were going to the movies or out to a bar, but I was afraid, because he wanted to see "Something more" me (physically speaking) and I, despite being sexually abstinent for a long time and that, really, also wanted, was still refused to let anyone touch and / or see any part of my naked body. Besides, I knew he was married and has one child, but as he no longer was with his wife, but a friend told me it was clear to her that the guy was a mess. And they know that's what I thought? I DO NOT CARE! So, I did not mind, I say, I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm alone, let him and his conscience if he is putting the horn to his wife! Of course it crossed my mind that I would helping his wife do the same thing to me was my husband, but really I do not care!
Anyway, this week I accepted his invitation to a bar ... and well ... the thing ended in a
HOTEL! Yes, I, that I vowed never again to be with a man! And worse, with a married man! And you know what? I enjoyed it greatly! Was not even the act itself (which was not bad, it must be said), but by the fact that I put aside my complex, disgust me because my body, my fears, all that insecurity that I created with help of my almost ex-husband and I realized that even now, as I am, and I am, I am able to please someone! And do not misunderstand me, what makes me feel good is not done to please others, but get rid of many things that came Caraga and that made my life a hell Veradero.
Now, on the other hand, there is the issue of his infidelity. Do not know if I should feel guilty or not, not if it was wrong or not, I think I should feel bad, but the reality is I do not feel one iota of guilt, remorse, much less remorse, and maybe not the last Once you see it, or maybe if you really do not care.
However, what if I've thought about is when I became cynical?? A year ago I did I would have looked ugly, indeed, I never would have done, but today I will not cause any penalty. I'm bad? No, I feel there is something in me already lost, I can assure you that I'm not the same as last year, but I'm turning into a horrible person? Am I being too selfish? No ... Someone wants to judge me? Forward ... I do not care ...
"Which is worse? Live like a monster or die like a man?
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